Emo kids, move over - goth takes over
From Kring. Laughtrip :))
1. I’m so goth, I got a tattoo of celtic knotwork starting at the top of my head, winding all the way down my body, and trailing five feet behind me on the floor.
2. I’m so goth, in preschool, the only crayon I used was black.
3. I ‘m so goth I use black cotton balls.
4. I’m so goth I dyed my shadow black.
5. I’m so goth I dyed my belly button black.
6. I’m so goth my pupils are black.
7. I’m so goth, whenever I walk into a room, all the lights go out.
8. I’m so goth the people in the grocery store have refused to sell me any cereal other than Count Chocula.
9. I’m so goth people ask me to AUTOGRAPH boxes of Count Chocula.
10. I’m so goth people touch me and they BECOME goth. They say, “Oh no, now I’m goth!”
11. I’m so goth I wear sunglasses when I open the refrigerator.
12. I’m so goth I don’t paint my nails black—I bash them with a hammer.
13. I’m so goth I died and didn’t notice.
14. I’m so goth, whenever I knock on somebody’s door they give me candy.
15. I’m so goth I write everything on black paper with a black pen in the dark and can never read what the hell I’ve written!
16. I’m so goth I offered to sell my soul to the devil and he wouldn’t take it!
17. I’m so goth, when I stop pouting, people ask, “What are YOU so happy about?”
18. I’m so goth, when I go outside, the sun sets.
19. I’m so goth the smile muscles in my face have atrophied.
20. I’m so goth the smile muscles in my face never GREW. What’s a smile?
21. I’m so goth, when I was born, the doctor asked me, “What’s with the shades?”
22. I’m so goth I don’t use fabric softener, because I like pain.
23. I’m so goth I set off airport metal detectors from ten feet away with all my jewelry.
24. I’m so goth I have rigor mortis whenever I’m with my girlfriend.
25. I’m so goth I got my medulla oblongata pierced.
26. I’m so goth I pierced all my tattoos.
27. I’m so goth it takes me an hour and a half to get dressed.
28. I’m so goth it takes me longer to get UNdressed.
29. I’m so goth I think electrical tape is a fashion accessory.
30. I’m so goth I carry black food dye around in case I have to eat anything that’s not black.
31. I’m so goth, in preschool, all my drawings were titled, “DEATH.”
32. I’m so goth, in high school, all my papers were titled, “DEATH.”
33. I’m so goth, as soon as I was born I put eyeliner on. And I put on too much.
34. I’m so goth I slather on spf 45 before I open the refrigerator.
35. I’m so goth I wore corsets in preschool.
36. I’m so goth I wonder if my dog’s collar would look better on me.
37. I’m so goth I KNOW my dog’s collar looks better on me.
38. I’m so goth I stole my dog’s collar.
39. I’m so goth little kids are mesmerized by my appearance.
40. I’m so goth parents leg their kids when they see them mesmerized by my appearance.
41. I’m so goth I’ve been banned.
42. I’m so goth I don’t take my medications, so I can be more goth.
43. I’m so goth, when I was born the doctor slapped me and I didn’t cry.
44. I’m so goth I make flowers wilt.
45. I’m so goth, when I smile people ask me what’s wrong.
46. I’m so goth little old ladies in walkers cross the street to insult me.
47. I’m so goth I keep getting hit on by necrophiliacs!
48. I’m so goth I practice my blank stare in the mirror.
49. I’m so goth I tried to be a hippie once and hugged a tree—and it died.
50. I’m so goth I pierced both my nipples—does that shock you?—then I went to the genetic engineering lab and had my genetic structure altered to grow another nipple, then I had THAT one pierced.
51. I’m so goth that whenever I walk into a room, you hear “Toccata and fugue in D minor.”
52. I’m so goth, when I’m sleeping people come and check my pulse.
53. I’m so goth the people at the suicide hotline have asked me to stop calling.
54. I’m so goth nuns and priests resent me because I look cooler in black than them.
